April 24, 2017

Die Hard Dracula – Jolly’s Night at the Movies

Jolly’s Night at the Movies – Die Hard Dracula

Die Hard Dracula – my favorite vampire movie ever. I’m not kidding. This movie is absolutely delightful. It is so bad that it is good. Don’t live life without watching this hot mess of a film.

Die Hard Dracula poster
Seriously, watch this movie. It is great

About Die Hard Dracula

Die Hard Dracula is a 1998 American micro-budget ‘horror’ film about some people trying to kill Dracula, who is apparently hard to kill. But it is so much more than that. It is a disaster of a movie, full of bad lines, bad acting, bad effects and bad plot devices that are all so ridiculously bad that it all just works. It stars a bunch of unknown actors trying their hardest to pass high school drama class, and some truly terrible SFX. I legitimately was surprised to learn it was released in 1998, and not in the early 70’s. Also, it is not family friendly, so maybe watch out for that.

This movie is funny, in a way that any Adam Sandler movie never could be. It is 85 minutes of ridiculous fun. You are a few beers and friends away from the best movie watching experience of your life with this movie. There are so many quotable lines uttered with ample servings of ham that you can toss around for ages to come. My favorite quote from this movie is, “I’m American, I’m tough,” which makes about as much sense with context as it did without it.

Vampire flipping off people

How can you not love this?

The Plot

The plot of Die Hard Dracula is inconsequential. Steven, the main character, loses his girlfriend in a tragically hilarious boating accident, and then wanders from his Native California to Transylvania to grieve, for some reason. He then crashes his car into a tree and wanders into a bar, where he meats Dr. Van Helsing, who conscripts him into his fight with Dracula and his evil wives.

Steven and Van Helsing try and kill Dracula first by traveling to his castle and shooting him with a silver bullet, a god damn SILVER bullet. Dracula is not a werewolf, so this doesn’t work. Because they only brought one bullet with them, they are forced to flee. Dracula, for whatever reason, lets them leave his castle without brutally murdering both of them, despite them having absolutely no way to defend themselves. It makes no sense, but I didn’t care because I was laughing so hard. Next, they try and use a grenade. No explanation of where they got it from, or why they didn’t lead with it. They just have it. I don’t want to spoil anything else, but damn just watch the ridiculous ways they try and kill Dracula.

The Actual Movie

It is so much god damn fun, this movie, I can’t get over it. don’t get me wrong, everything about it is poorly made. It is not a high-quality film, and it deserves to be ridiculed for its flaws. But it is so much fun, that I absolutely have to recommend this film. 6/10, watch it with your fiends on a slow night.

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